“rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.”
There amidst the dirty laundry piling up, my daughter’s afternoon nap that is expected to be at least an hour but lasts only 20 minutes, the food that ends up on the floor instead of her mouth, it’s there I slowly lose myself. I lose the composure, the “I have it all together” me, and I feel a loss of control. I feel like my intentions for the day of being productive and able, as I put make-up on and tie my hair up, become undone as I sigh with the thought “why did I even bother?”
It’s the night time sleep training that ends up with my child wailing until her sheets are soaked with her bed time milk. It’s there, as I pull the sheets off the mattress to throw them into the incessant laundry pile that I again feel less victorious, less me.
That frustration that seems to break me down, falls over onto my marriage. Soon, I am staring at every dirty cup or dirty sock not placed in its proper place with a burning anger. Another “thing” expected of me and I’m at the limit of my responsibilities. Here, I don’t have the energy or the time and again, I feel less me.
But then, I’ve never needed to hear it more clearly, the word “perspective” cuts into me in the sharpest but most liberating way. It’s as though I thought my circumstance needed to change to get “me” back but rather my perspective needed to. I was so busy feeling as though I’ve been losing myself in the day to day routine of trying to please everyone around me that I forgot that I’ve gained so much. I’ve gained wisdom, a growing faith, new adventure, and a maturity that can only come with experience. The Lord reminded me that the laundry piling up means that my family has clothes to wear. That the short nap is a reminder that I have a child to wrap my arms around longer today. That the food that ends up on the floor means my child has enough food to fill her belly. That though I can’t put her to bed awake, I get to watch her in my arms smile as she dreams. And, the dirty cup and the dirty sock? Well that means I have a husband that is imperfect like me but my partner on this adventure.
Perspective. Some days are going to be hard. Some days are going to be stressful. Some days are going to feel like you are losing yourself. Remember you have oxygen in your lungs and a God who provides. Be reminded of your blessings because they are all around you even during the rough days. Whenever you feel you are losing you, remember your identity is in Jesus not in your works. You are chosen, forgiven, wanted, loved, blessed, cared for, amazing, beautiful. You are what Jesus says you are.
Help me to change my perspective. Help me to have a grateful heart instead of a frustrated one. Remind me of my blessings for they are numerous. Thank you for my loved ones, help me to treat them with love and respect no matter the difficulty of the day.
In Your Name,